Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path. -Proverbs 3:5-6
I am an expecting mom. My baby is due in August. I am overjoyed. My story didn’t start like this, but I thank God every single day for the life He has given me, both my own and that of my child. My story may be very different from yours or it may be similar. I am a woman who has experienced abortion, miscarriage, and now 25 weeks of pregnancy bliss. Yes, it all happened in that order. Knowing what I know now I will never understand why, at 21 years of age, I chose abortion, but it happened. Here is my life lessons.
Rewind 12 years ago. I was living the life of a young and reckless 21 year old. I didn’t place very much value on my own life. I made poor decisions, struggled with depression, anxiety, and alcohol. I had quit college after two years and had no intention of going back. I didn’t have any life goals or plans for the future. Of course I wanted better, but I was just flying by the seat of my pants, doing what I wanted to do. That’s when I found myself 21, pregnant, and not in a relationship. I was terrified. I thought my life would be over, not that I felt I had anything going at the moment, but I was certain that if I had a baby then my life and any goals I had would be over. I told one friend I was pregnant and she suggested abortion. I never gave it a second thought. Within the week I was at the abortion clinic. If I thought my life couldn’t get worse, well, I was wrong. After my abortion, my depression, anxiety, and alcohol use became worse. I moved away from my family to hide it.
Fast forward 3 years. I finally wanted something more for my life. My sister was transferring colleges and asked if I wanted to join her. This was an answered prayer. I made the decision to move to a new town and moved in with my sister. My life began to take a turn for the better. I decided to go back to college and get my degree. I excelled, making the dean’s list. I started seeing a counselor and shared with my family that I had had an abortion and they still loved me. I never knew life could be so good.
Fast forward 5 more years, I married a wonderful man, who knows everything about me and still loves me. We knew we wanted children, but also wanted to enjoy the first few years of our marriage. After 3 years of being married, we decided to start trying. It did not come easy for us. We struggled for 2 years. I was certain that God was not granting me a child because I had had an abortion and this saddened me, especially for husband, because I felt I had taken something from him. He stood by me. After two and a half years, we conceived. We were on top of the world for two weeks, and then I miscarried. I was devastated. I thought surely God would give me this baby after what I have been through. I mourned the loss of our sweet baby. I mourned the loss of my baby 12 years ago. I mourned. My husband loved me through it all.
Fast forward 9 months. Our baby was due January 1, 2016. One week before our baby’s due date we found out we were pregnant again. I cried so many tears; tears of love, thankfulness, joy, and even heartbreak. Today we are 25 weeks pregnant. We are having a baby boy. I can feel the sweet miracle of his movements and think this is the most heavenly thing I have ever experienced. As I talk to God about this experience, I pray for both of the children I lost. I know they are in his loving care. I often wonder, “If only I had allowed myself to experience the heavenly and miraculous feeling of this beautiful life growing inside me.” Today, at age 33, I feel blessed that I have walked this path. Even when I thought God had left me, He was right there, through each moment, leading me to this.
For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me. -1 Samuel 1:27
Our mission is to assist women and families in the Brookings area and SDSU who are experiencing unplanned pregnancy to explore choices by providing appropriate resources and support including counseling, educational programs, and mentoring.
CALL: (605) 692-1600
Life, Love and Lessons Series
Option 1’s "Life, Love, and Lessons" blog series provides small glimpses into the life, love, and lessons from a variety parents. Some may be just like you and some may not resemble you, but each is here to share their own journey.